This week I'm talking about my dancing experience as a lot of things regarding dance has come up recently what is reminding me of bad past times. So here goes:
When I was 2 my Mum and Nan put me into dance class, every Tuesday from 10-12 when I was in nursery and when I went to pre-school it was 12:30-2. My dance class was pretty petty and we was entered into shows, we even had a competition team but I was never asked to do it because I had very low confidence and self-esteem from a very young age. I would often run off stage because I got scared that people was judging me. After my first show my granddad thought it would be a good idea to take me to his places such as cricket with him on Thursdays so I could build up my confidence. It didn't work, I was around 2-4 and I would break down often because of my dancing.
When I started primary school I started doing dance more often on a Tuesday and Friday after school. This is when the bad memories happened. As I was a child who was very active but liked food, I was a lot bigger than the other girls they started picking on me. I was 5, They started with fatty and big. This crushed my confidence even more and made it difficult to make friends. My reception teacher noticed this and worked with me to build it up, to every week it be knocked down. This resulted in me quitting friday dance and only staying on Tuesday. My granddad started staying there to see, where he notice me be picked on verbally and even physically. So he took me to dance every day and every year until I was 8.
This is when it started to die down after I spoke up to my dance teacher, she was the mother of one of my dance friends and never noticed. I spoke to her and she sorted it out and made us do a production based on bullying. This was okay until it was my 10th birthday and I went to dance. Then the words started coming back and my family problems started. I knew I was the biggest girls there and it hurt me that much that when I was 12 I quit. After 10 years of dealing with it I had enough. It was the best choice I ever made, however I do really miss trying my hardest. I was never someone who stood out or who looked 'nice' in the skin-tight costumes. After I left my dance instructor put everyone in my class in 'Billy Elliot: the musical' for a year. They rubbed it in on social media and it got too over whelming. With that happening and the passing of a loved one only a week before. Enough was enough. I blocked them all and deleted them from my life.
However, recently one of them followed me on instagram and recognized me. Now all of my dance 'friends' follow me on instagram and I don't know how to feel. I was very passionate about dance but was force to quit because of them. Anyways I still get constant nightmares about it and my confidence and self-esteem are still extremely low, I don't know how to control it it's just what happens.
Thank you guys for reading I hope you enjoyed. Please leave what you want to see next week in the comments, bye!
Amber going offline x
